six days and counting!!!

I walked out of my last test today, and am feeling pretty good about it! I am so done for the semester, and the only other thing I have to do next week besides provide my warm body in a desk is a stupid two minute legislative testimony... but I really am not worried about it cause I don't care if my professor hates it! We had course evals last night, and it felt good to be honest and just let the professor have it about how bad the course was taught! It was nice to vent the frustrations that me and everyone else had about the narrow scope of a class that should have encompassed sooooo much more! Who knows what repercussions are awaiting for me next semester, but at this point I don't care!

It is also six days untill I cut my hair all off :} I am excited and scared at the same time! I have about 15 inches to donate to locks of love, but my hair is also longer than it ever has been before... so I am feeling a little anxious about making the drastic cut! Well I suppose I will just have to quit being such a girl and just do it?!

slow and steady wins the race...

I just got a phone call from one of the women that works at my internship, and she told me that the woman that both her and I(and Everyone else in the office) has a difficult time with put in her resignation today!!! Last week when I was in I had to write a letter explaining my experiences with this woman and I knew that she was having a performance review... So I think it was basically resign or we'll fire you?! She told another woman that she is going pursue a Phd... that is scary that she might someday walk around there being Dr. crazy non strength-based! Well it just goes to show that things have a crazy way of working out! I was almost going to be moving offices to escape being driven crazy by that woman, but now I don't have to go anywhere cause she will be gone forever in one week... I don't have to hear anyone say rediculous things like I'd bet dollars to donuts that so and so is going to screw up and relapse, or hear her say COOL anymore to her clients on the phone... or her annoying laugh that makes you want to shoot yourself, well all and all great news that will make my time at my intership soooooo much more enjoyable!

I'ts three o' clock and all is well...

It's after three in the morning, and for some reason I can't sleep? I was working on stuff till about 1:30, then laid in bed for an hour, then thought screw it if I can't sleep anyways I will send out some thankgiving ecards! So an hour later finished with the mass ecards and thought I would let some thoughts roll for a minute...then I will try to get some sleep? I know I am going to be kicking myself tommorow! I have to be up in less than three hours cause were driving to Sandy UT for thanksgiving... well maybe I can sleep most of the way there? I wasn't looking forward to any thought provoking conversations with my brother in law anyways! Sleeping will make the car ride less painful for sure... at least I'm not driving this holiday! It is crazy that last year this time I was in down in San Diego... Last year didn't seem much like Thankgiving cause we had Salmon!(and that is besides the fact that I REALLY am not a fish fan!) Who would have know that almost all of my former Americorps friends were going to become vegetarians? I think it is funny because the original team had only two vegetarians, and now there are 5 1/2 (one was wavering!) So when I sent ecards out I said happy turkey, or tofurkey day :) Well I guess I should try to get a couple hours of sleep before I have to spend five hours on the road...

Coming out of the fog...

It has been an interesting week ...as far as school it is amazing at what can be accomplished when your under A LOT of pressure! Life seems to fly by sometimes. I was driving to a movie tonight, and experiencing the infamous inversions that are part of living in the treasure valley! The fog was so thick that it made roads that I have driven a million times seem strange... When your focus is severely limited it is interesting on what your able to pick up from your surroundings! It was a weird rush to just drive and trust that I remember the way that the roads turn...it was sort of exhilarating, and scary at the same time! In an experiences such as that it is hard not to reflect on what sort of comparisons my life has to me going through that fog... How similar is my life to driving through thick fog? in both situations I know where I am headed, but I can't clearly see where I am going, in both situations I have a limited vision of my course, in both situations I long for the fog to lift and for me to gain greater clarity on my journey, and in both situations I am looking for landmarks to gauge where I am... Lately it feels like it has been a long time without a major landmark, which adds to my longing for clarity on my journey... Maybe the fog will lift long enough for me to gauge where I am again...

The miracle of life...

I have been so freaking busy over the last week, and school practically had me beating my brains in... but other than that things are going ok! I found out that my best friend from kindergarten just had her first baby... hence the picture! He was a healthy baby boy 9lbs 4oz, and 21inches long! My friend has always been tiny so it is a miracle that something that big came out of her. She sent me picture of her, and her whole body was swollen like a ballon! She told me when I talked to her on sunday that she had gained like 60lbs...She couldn't even fit into her shoes cause she was so swollen! It is weird when childhood friends start to have babies, cause me and her always talked about raising our kids together... at this rate her children will be old enough to babysit my kids when I finally have some! I guess I have had a lot of adventures so far, and it is not yet time for me to turn the leaf of childbearing?! I am excited because school this semester is coasting down hill. After this last hellish week, I don't know if I could take anymore this semester anyways! It is nice to know that I am only like two weeks of classes from the end of the semester! I am not sure what I am going to do over the month off from classes, there is all the family stuff for the holidays, but I think it would drive me crazy if I didn't have anything to do? I still have to meet with some families for my internship over the break so that will give me something to do, but I probably should try to make money some how too!? Maybe I could do some holiday help somewhere...or maybe I will just relax and enjoy the SHORT time that I don't have to do any home work?

Just BREATHE!!!

I am feeling a little bit violent toward this woman at my internship! It is hard to get a clear understanding of this woman, but think annoying, think nosey, think hands in everyone’s cookie jar, think tries to be everyone’s mother, and did I mention annoying? I would rather my ears bleed than to hear that stupid woman say “COOL” one more time! And her laugh makes me want to kick her in the teeth! So here is what makes my blood boil… We just recently moved from one office in the building to another. At the time of the move we pretty much had a say on where we wanted to be… or shall I say she had a say where SHE wanting things to be! Well there is this desk that someone else in the building couldn’t fit into the office, at first she put her name on it because she liked it, then because it didn’t fit how she liked it she decided to give it up. Then at the time of the move another desk appeared to replace the crappy ply wood piece of junk that I had for a desk… oh to get a picture of the old office situation… there were six people in one office that was only like 20X30 and my little work area was right in front of the door where I was sandwiched between a computer desk and the crappy ply wood (thing) I had barely enough room to turn my chair without hitting my knees on the computer desk, or the ply wood desk!… Well anyways today I came in, and this woman said “don’t get fully attached to your desk because someone else may need it” it totally irritated me because when the desk was dropped off the guy said it was for me to replace the piece of crap that I had been using… the only reason that I wouldn’t end up with it is if someone else wanted to switch me for the one that they had (which this woman is making her personal responsibility to make sure that no one else could possibly want it before they give it to me!) Then when desks got arranged mine was put on the wall next to the door (temporarily) because another desk was being stored in the corner till someone gets back into town, and it was understood that I wanted to move into the corner when the desk was removed. Ok so I found out when I came into today that a bunch of changes happened while I was gone, and we have some new hires, and some internal promotions, and so forth, and one of the new hires would be in this office with us. When I said something about moving my desk today when the other desk gets moved this woman said “oh well the new hire when he gets here next week has first dibs on having his desk there” So I said well if everything is arranged before he gets here, then it won’t be an issue, cause he won’t know any different!” Then she said something about letting the full time hire to have precedent over where he wants his desk… I wanted to kick her in the teeth, because I am like how is this ANY of your business?! I just dropped it and focused on something else… then the supervisor was in the room I left for a couple minutes and when I got back this woman turned to me and said “I talked to (the supervisor) and she said that the new hire should be able to have his desk over there” I took a deep breath and said oh, ok! then she had the nerve to say, “I know your upset about it, but that is what she said”! I was livid! Why did she ask the supervisor? and what business is it of hers anyways! When this woman finally left the room, and I turned to the other girl in the office (who shares my irritation with this woman) and said I just had to vent to you, but it took all I had when that woman said “I know your upset” to not just let her have it! ...Ok enough of that I just needed to get that off my chest before I exploded! On a lighter note I got a laptop yesterday!… I think it is funny because it is worth more than my car, but I was getting tired of having to go back and forth to the school all the time to do assignments, and my parent’s PC is worthless! Having the laptop will be a huge stress reducer, because over thanksgiving break I need to bust out a bunch of stuff... and I found out last week that we will either be in Grace or Sandy for Turkey day. Well that is the end of this little blog novella!

chapped lips crack when you smile

So the title is a little dramatic, but it just came to me... my inspiration? Um chapped lips (There the worst!)I had to get my butt out of bed early today so I could be to school at 7:00, it wouldn't have been so bad cept it was so freaking cold... there was stupid snow on my car, winter is taking a firm hold! :( (I am seriously thinking about moving to warmer climate... where snow and cold are an oddity), but first things first! I am looking forward to turkey day break... I have a whole week off school, then when I come back from thanksgiving break I really only have two weeks left of class! I just have to get through the next week, and then I can take a deep breath, cause the semester winds down from there! If I can just keep from slipping into a coma from the myriad of school assignments I have looming over my head due next week, I'll be golden!

behind the glass of the aquarium...

I was thinking today how students on a university are like fish in an aquarium... I was walking into a building and I looked around me and you see people sprawled out on the floor reading, studying, and sleeping. I couldn't help but think as I was looking around how strange that that behavior would be in another setting?! I am totally guilty of curling up in the corner of the library at school and taking a little cat nap, but how weird would it be to do that same thing in a shopping mall?! I have a little psychodynamic presentation next week in my interventions class and my teacher is so into creativity... which means we basically are supposed to entertain her! Our group is doing a frasier type skit with some celebrity characters: Jann Brady, Napoleon Dynamite, and Lorena Bobbit... and I get to be Lorena Bobbit!It was kinda precarious to look up that topic on the internet... you would be surprised, or maybe not at the the CRAP that comes up when you google Lorena Bobbit! I had to get some basic details of the incident which was really fairly informative... everyone knows the story from the myriad of jokes on the topic, but I didn't know the scope of the case. It happened 12 years ago, and although I remember it, I didn't exactly search out the details of the incident back then! All I remember is the crude little jokes and songs that circulated around the halls of junior high about... well you know! OK I digress back to school work...

It was the best of times it was the worst of times...

It's been an interesting weekend. The title is inspired from CES fireside tonight where president Monson spoke... man I really love that man! I have been stressing and running myself ragged with school for the last week trying to keep my head above water...and I tell you what if you don't take care of yourself, then usually you get laid out one way or another! I have been somewhat fighting a cold, and this morning I had a couple of meetings I was SUPPOSED to attend, well I was out cold, except for my little random dream featuring an old friend's zeal for Jann Arden music...then my phone rang at 12:30 and woke me up... Apparently if you set your alarm and forget to turn it on, it doesn't go off... go figure! It turned out alright, and I got some much needed rest! Yesterday it was a marathon day where I tried to get as much done on my stupid state group paper, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it, and I just wasn't productive. Then when we met up as a group, we didn't get much more done (on the paper anyways...) You see I found out that when you get three social workers together talking it becomes less group progress... and more group process! It was truly an invaluable experience of getting to know my classmates. It is amazing how quickly a bond can form between three women when it is safe to be vulnerable. I learned some valuable lessons yesterday and it felt great to have someone to just listen to me and really hear me. The whole experience has caused me to do quite a bit of reflection about some things. I also learned for myself that everyone has their story, and no matter what it is, that pain is real to the individual... no ones pain is less to them just because someone seems to have it worse. Pain is real if it is real to the person!

Fall is slowly giving way to winter...

Sad the days are becoming colder, and the trees are giving up their colorful leaves... but I guess fall can't last forever :( I have a friend up in Anchorage Alaska and fall has long past and winter has taken a firm hold.
I miss Alaska sometimes...

I know that the winters up there are brutal, but the summers are just amazing...


Monday was the last day of the season for the Spirit of Discovery... I was sad that I couldn't celebrate with all of them, but I guess life takes you in other directions... It is crazy to think that I was working on a cruise ship in Alaska just four months ago, and at the end of the season when the ship is going to dock I am practically half way through my master's program! Well that is enough reminiscing for me I have school work to do!

The only thing I REALLY want to do is take a nap!

School is draining the energy right out of me... I was at my internship for 12.5 hours yesterday, and thanks to some selfish cohorts in my program I have the opportunity to meet tonight for who knows how long to sort out a certain group paper that was turned upside-down! Someone in my program the other day said "only 194 days till graduation" It seems so tangible when you break it down like that, plus that amount of days include weekends and holidays... and we have a whole month off for winter break! I think I just may make a cheesy paper calendar chain (like the ones you make in grade school for Christmas)... that way I can keep my eye on the prize! I just have a hard time getting excited about certain topics and after this sememster that should be pretty much remedied. I have been talking to different classmates under different circumstance and it is plain frustrating/scary the shady things that are being said and done in the department. (There's bureaucracy for you) Where's Durkhiem when you need him? The worst part of this whole situation is that there is pretty much a consensus among classmates I've spoken to about shady stuff going on, but their plan of action is just to get through it and voice their opinions via the program evaluations...trouble is I don't know if I have the energy/time to do anything different!

Social workers should be able to effectively communicate right??????

In one of my classes there is a group paper assignment on a state's progress on initiating universal health care. Yesterday I got an email from a girl in my group saying that her and someone from another group had decided that they were going to switch the groups around and work together because "they had compatible working styles" and that was all that was emailed (and the first time that I had heard anything about a desire to rearrange groups)... Last night I talked to someone from the other group who had just had a meeting with the professor in which the situation was portrayed that certain individuals (the one's wanting to form their own group) had been doing the majority of the work in their groups! I was a little irritated because the assignment is not even due for another two weeks, and the portions we had agreed to be responsible for we weren't going to be putting together for another week... So I was like, how the heck can we be slacking if the agreed on portions of the assignment were not due for compilation for another week??? The best part of the situation is the other group, because two individual that had made contributions for the other state were now, two weeks before the due date, being (asked?) to switch... and not in good circumstances... DRAMA! Last night one of the individuals involved had the audacity to say to one of his group members that he wasn't responsible to babysit two grown women... I thought she was going to punch him in the face! She just threw down the state file that she had and stated that she refused to work with someone like him... I thought it was hilarious that the catalyst for this whole upheaval (the guy) said that HE felt that he had been blindsided? I think it is scary that individuals who can't even effectively communicate within a working group are going to be out there in the community with me [trying] to effectively communicate with clients :O!