Fortune cookie wisdom...

I have always been somewhat of a collector of things... kind of a sap of sentiment, and I tend to keep all sorts of things that I am sure most people at second glance would just throw away. For example fortune cookie fortunes... I find myself after most have looked over their fortune and lost interest in it; rather than tossing it on the plate or carelessly throwing it away I tuck the fortune away in my wallet to rediscover next time I am rummaging around in my wallet looking for something. Here are the few in my current collection...
-You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music
-Simplicity in your lifestyle will ensure a happy life
-It takes more than good memory to have good memories

hindsight is an interesting, and sometimes cruel teacher...

romance =

Dictionary.com says...
Romance=

1. 1. A love affair.
   2. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love: They kept the romance alive in their marriage for 35 years.
   3. A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something: a childhood romance with the sea.
2. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful: “These fine old guns often have a romance clinging to them” (Richard Jeffries).
3. 1. A long medieval narrative in prose or verse that tells of the adventures and heroic exploits of chivalric heroes: an Arthurian romance.
   2. A long fictitious tale of heroes and extraordinary or mysterious events, usually set in a distant time or place.
   3. The class of literature constituted by such tales.
4. 1. An artistic work, such as a novel, story, or film, that deals with sexual love, especially in an idealized form.
   2. The class or style of such works.
5. A fictitiously embellished account or explanation: We have been given speculation and romance instead of the facts.
6. Music. A lyrical, tender, usually sentimental song or short instrumental piece.
7. Romance The Romance languages.

The ever so reliable urban dictionary says...

romance love sex lust romantic affection kiss dating homosexual marriage relationships sexual vagina women affair black crush date faggot flirting gay heart heterosexual i love you intercourse like love at first sight mystery penis teenagers white

1.	romance	4 up, 2 down
	the most weirdest yet exiting feeling ever to be felt in this universe. love dude 1:man im feeling romance with my girl dude2: that must be weird

... I don't know tough choice, could it be an ardent emotional attatchment, A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something, or a fictitiously embellished account...sometimes maybe all three?!

Like a freeze dried rose you will never be what you were to me in memory...

It seems recently that every time I feel like I have a good prompt or meaningful thing to write about on this here blog the time passes me by for one reason or another and I lose the moment forever to the busyness of life... I guess it is good to keep busy, and some things are best left undwelled upon... but I feel the loss of the moments nonetheless. I am at work and I needed to push my figurative reset button so that I could return to task and be more productive... so here is a little cyber expressed blah blah blah. About 20 minutes ago through my work cell/walki talkie there was network wide alert from a co-worker of mine that works on the same side as me saying they needed assistance in their office ASAP. I was the first one there (because I was the closest to the incident) and I come down the hall hearing them yelling and walked in on a pretty heated incident. The co-worker was yelling in the kids face and pretty much holding him down while his mom just watched in what looked like horror that the situation had gotten so out of control. I can't say that I completely disagree with my co-worker cause I didn't see what initially precipitated the situation... but it seemed like he got a bit on the out of control end of the spectrum?! I stood there wondering what the heck I could possibly do to help in the situation as other men came filling into the office... after about 5-6 guys arrived I turned around and walked back down the hall. I don't know the outcome of that particular situation, but I don't' think I will forget how the mom called out to my co-worker almost pleading for them to stop as they were yelling and pushing their child around... pretty sure that is a red flag that things got out of control?! I guess I should consider myself lucky that I have only been hit in the face once to date by a client...but I am sure I can look forward to many more escalated situations in the years to come..!

This is my current picture on my desktop, and I love that I took it with just a plain old point and shoot camera! So yeah it may be flawed with the focus a bit off... but pretty dang good for what I had to work with! Life is funny sometimes... funny in the sense that if you don't laugh you might be inclined to cry. I was running around doing errands today and while I was filling my car up with gas and it asked me if I wanted a car wash; I pushed yes thinking what the heck it has been a long time since I washed my car and it was getting pretty dirty. All went well until I pulled forward under the pressure of the water and the bristles... then came the flood! Apparently the sealant around the top of my windshield has all but peeled off... I grabbed my sweatshirt from the back of my car and tried to catch as much water as I could, but I still ended up with a good puddle of water around my gearshift and console... I just had to smile at how ridiculous I must have looked holding up my sweatshirt while water was pouring into my car! On my way home after all my errands were complete I was somewhat in a reflective mood and I made an interesting observation.. why is it that when there is an inversion and air quality is arguably at it's worst sunsets are the most brilliant pink and lavender?.. it is like all that crap in the air reflects the light and puts off the most beautiful colors... kind of an interesting collaboration of men and nature?!

The week is winding down, and all is still well!

I made it through the ALL DAY GROUP and it really was enjoyable. I am always amazed at the insight and introspection that these girls are capable of! I did an activity where the girls had the opportunity to take a plain paper bag and place on the outside the things that other people define them as and what lables that they have, and on the inside they wrote things that most people don't know about them/what they keep hidden from people. There were a few girls that did the activity fairly superficial at first but as each girl shared their bags... each and every one of them dug a little deeper and really learned a lot about themselves and their peers. It was actually interesting because during the majority of the activity it was just me, and at the end one of their teachers joined while the last girl was sharing and while we were debreifing the activity. I was a little aprehensive that he joined because he is male, and some of these girls were sharing some of their histories with sexual abuse... but what I thought was most interesting is that as I was wrapping up and sharing my observations and appreciation for participation, he also shared.. (and got a bit teary eyed!) at how much he cared for each of the girls, and how proud he was of them for sharing... Interesting.

The hidden beauties off the beaten path...

I am currently waiting for my car to be fixed, and since I didn't have alter transportation I left my car there and took a little walk. I didn't get but a few blocks and off to the side of the road I could hear rushing water. I was intrigued enough to turn off the sidwalk and head down a little dirt path that lead to where the sound was coming from. It was a canal that that was being forked off into two directions, and there was a cement island in the middle right between the two waterfalls created on either side of it. The area is completely covered in trees and besides for the occasional loud vehicle barreling down the road you almost forget that you are less than 50 yards from the road. What amazes me about a hidden beauty like this is how often people pass by this spot never stopping... and never knowing what they are passing by! I am currently sitting on that cement island, and I don't know if I could be any more content just sitting here?!

ASS umptions ASS umptions Ass umptions...

I hate that people make automatic assumptions about people based on what labels they also apply to people. I get sooo tired of being defined by other peoples assumptions about me, and what they think those assumptions mean about me.... Part of my job is to sort through clients mail and make sure correspondence is appropriate (which the parents were explained, yet I read through a letter today in which a parent made a blatent and ignorant ASS Umption about me based on our initial meeting!!!) I guess she will probably feel like a real ASS when she realizes that I read that.. but it still doesn't lessen the irritation about the whole situation!

Trying to keep my head above water...

Today has been absolutely insane... I am covering case loads for two clinicians on vacation plus trying to settle into my own case load, and I feel like I have been running non stop to put out little fires and calling parents to smoothe things over. I almost have to laugh that both the clinical supervisors are on vacation and I...(the newby) am covering their case loads! On top of that I found out that I get to do the ALL DAY group thing this week ALL BY MYSELF. Um can we say panic attack! Having about 15 girls from 8-2:30 and not having a clue what I am going to be doing with them yet... although one of the girls so thougthtfully suggested ice cream therapy!!! It almost feels like a sick joke, like they are watching me on a video camera and are going to jump out any minute and tell me to smile cause I am on the new clinical reality show called "Breaking Point"... Ok so maybe that is a tad rediculous, but it sure does feel like they are trying to initiate me! Well it is time to call it a day...

scan scan scan all day long scan scan scan while I sing this song...

I have spent COUNTLESS hours... (which mean a freaking lot!) scanning pictures so that I can burn them onto disks. I started last night with all the boat pictures of the time on the river and up in alaska and today I polished off all my americorps pictures. It has been great to be so absorbed with something... and it has been fun to go through all those pictures again:) A picture sure is worth a million words, and sometimes they can spark a million memories :) I thought after spending soooo much time scanning them that I would share some of the americorps highlights:

post parting school depression...

I talked to a good friend today and it was much needed! It is hard when life seems to isolate you, and you feel like you have no control. But that is where my good friend came in... She let me lean on her for a while and bitch about the things I can't control.. (a piece of shit car that seems to suck the spontaneity out of life because even simple errands are a big pain in the ass!...The feelings associated with what we so fondly refer to as post parting school depression... then there is feeling isolated in a place where the only people I know are unavailable to me for one reason or another!) What was great about talking to her is that she helped me to recognize the things that I can control. (It is amazing the relationships that can be forged out of adversity... I love that woman!!!) I feel like I have spent soo much energy on the things I can't control that I am am worn out to the idea of taking charge of the things I can! I guess it helps me to empathize with those who are so jaded by reality that they disallow themselves the opportunity to dream, because all though I am not there I can see how quick the path there can be. Maybe because it seems that dreams will blind you just long enough for reality to both knock the wind out of you and kick the shit out of you at the same time? I guess it all comes back to balance... it seems that balance in all things will keep you from being tipped upside down...

My family got together down in santa monica for the fourth of july... and I can't believe how quick the time flew! It was really great to see the fam (especially the neice and nephew!) They are just so adorable...


I want a couple just like these!!!

A series of unfortunate and fortunate events

It was an interesting day of car malfunctions... and key misplacements... and good times had by all! It all started out when we "thought" we had locked the keys in the trunk, so we borrowed my brother's car to make it to my neices baptism and when we were leaving the baptism the car wouldn't start! It was decided that the starter went out so we all piled into other cars and made it back to the after get together. We called AAA to get the keys out of the trunk and when the guys from AAA were just about to the house my dad found the keys in his front pocket... apparently sunglasses can hide a pair of keys in a front shirt pocket pretty darn well! All and all it was a pretty good day despite the various set backs! I had the "opportunity" to give the five minute talk about baptism at the baptism , and it was kind of neat because my neice was the ony one being baptized, but I learned (by the blank look on my neices face at times) that I could use a little more practice at explaining gospel principles in words that an eight year old can understand! My neice and nephew are arguably the cutest kids alive... they have these mice that they just tote around all over, and they are just so cuuuuuute! My nephew cracks me up, it is refreshing how open little children are and how uninhibited they are... they can teach us so much! ...and it seems that I have a lot to learn...

sometimes emotions can feel one of two ways... either we feel like if we hold it in we will explode or that it will come spewing out like word vomit (I guess it is the outcome that distinguishes the two?) Last night I found out that I pretty much screwed up my laptop good. apparently you should NEVER take out a driver recovery disk in the midst of it doing its' thing! After my sister helped me... we got it working, but everything was wiped clean :( I keep remembrering things that lost were on my hard drive and it kind of bums me out, but eventually I will be able to put most of it back on. (It will just take me a while!) On a more human level I don't know why it is when we are able to predict certain things from people, that we are dissapointed when our predictions are validated? Maybe it is because sub consciously we are hoping that our predicitions will be wrong, but that doesn't change the intial sting. I was talking to a client the other day and afer the words came out of my mouth I thought, yeah I should probably work on that myself! It is hard sometimes to not take my work home with me and feel like I am still wearing my professional hat when I am "off duty" I guess I just need to make sure that I am setting that boundary for myself so that I don't end up exhausted... It is true that I have as much to learn as I have to teach!

bruised + burned + broken = EXHAUSTED

It has been a really intersting week. I spent wednesday through this afternoon up at our wilderness site for a training and a parent retreat and it totally wooooooped me! I kind of felt like I had my initiation into the clinical team after spending the day getting wet and dirty with them (not to mention learning who bunches their t.p vs. who folds it.... and how that can be applied to how someone strategizes in the game of snowball capture the flag!) What is kicking my butt more than anything else is my shoulder... I feel like I am getting freaking old! I injured it FOREVER ago, but it still reminds me every once in a while that it isn't quite right... I feel like one of those guys talking about their old "football injuries" except mine happened cross country skiing. I slept on a floor that was about as soft as concrete and my shoulder HATES me for it! I have a high tolerance for pain... but sharp pain I can tolerate MUCH better than aches that just THROB! I think it is time to take some drugs and go to bed...