Here's the hypothetical middle finger!!!

People irritate the crap out of me sometimes... especially the male counter part of mankind! I don't know what it is about possessing a penis that makes someone think that they can treat people like they don't matter?? I don't know what frustrates me the most, is it that I fall into the same patterns, or is it that people around me fit into the same patterns? I just don't get the motivation behind dragging something on rather than taking the easy way out... especially when it is handed to you nicely wrapped! The bitch of the situation is that I freaking started the whole thing out of mere curiosity and as a symptom of a WBN, and now those two things are what is making it difficult to just walk away!! It sucks to feel like you are practically throwing yourself at someone, and the gesture is returned with ambivalence! I am so irritated cause I tried to end this whole thing(and felt pretty content with it all), my observations were returned with hopeful but (empty) words that left me feeling kinda stupid and reactive... but I was freaking right on! That will teach me not to trust the old instincts! Well I guess it is my turn to return the disregard! I wonder how that feels... oh yeah I already know! Well enough bitching for today!? On a completely different topic, I absolutely love the shared music feature of itunes I love to browse through other peoples music collections, cause it is so interesting! I think it is interesting the bond that I feel to people based on their music interests... and the assumptions that I make too! I think it is interesting that I tend to make assumptions about personality based on the genres that they listen to! I find myself excited and attracted to complete strangers based on their music interests...so Detis!<3 if your out there ;) It is kinda weird cause these mystery people are somewhere close enough for me to pick up the signal of their shared music... yet I will probably never meet them? Maybe I will suggest that itunes have shared profiles for shared music... yes that is absolutely genious...but probably will never happen:(

Hell in a handbasket?

What a day... I picked up some booze at the liquor store and bought some cigarettes from the gas station all in one day! I don't think that I can say I have ever done that before? The only thing I could have done to "complete" the trend was to buy porn and gamble?! It is kinda ironic actually. I was picking up the cigarettes for a friend on the way over to her house, and I actually had to call her to remind me what brand to buy.... then I guessed wrong, and when she called me when I got to my car I had to turn around and return the pack for a different one... the guys behind the counter looked at me like "is she for real" I had to laugh to myself! I just think it has been one interesting day? I feel like I am just a beat off the last couple of days... I don't know what that is all about, but I am just getting through it. I have a couple of post graduation plans on the table, and it is really kinda stresing me out that I don't know which way I am leaning! A friend of mine is moving to Lehi in a couple of weeks and desperately wants me to come live with her, but I just don't know if that is what is really best for me? I was talking to a couple of people I work with and they say that I should stay on at my intership, cause they know that they would definately hire me on... and she also has a sweet summer living arrangement that she might be able to hook me up with... but I just don't know where I "should" be. I guess that is where the prayer/pondering come in... but that just takes so much time and energy...and even still the answer doesn't always jump out at you(couldn't there just be a cystal ball with all the answers) well I guess I already know the answer to that one... guess I will just have to do it the hard way...

I am continually amazed at human behavior...

So I am currently sitting across the table from someone who sat down while I was on my computer doing research (with my earphones on) who kept asking me questions on how to look up a summer course... until I stoped what I was doing and held his hand through the whole process. Plus helped him contact a professor to so that he could say why he was sick during the last class.... sometimes I wonder how people get dressed in the morning, let alone get through college! Now he is asking me how to spell stuff... Anyways I guess it is a good thing for me professionally that I am approachable, but It still kinda makes me laugh when I think about all the random expreriences I have! Yesterday I got in a little accident in a parking lot and when I went over to the peoples house to get the estimate the little old lady and man invited me in for a visit ,and then told me about their kids.. one of which I graduated with and they told me about her struggles with being bi-polar. It was kinda cute actually cause they were lonely and bored retired folks. Even though I shouldn't think twice about putting my earphones on and going back to my buisness I think that would be rude, cause this guy keeps telling me random stuff and asking me questions??? Oh well I guess I will try to get something done...

I am from...

I did a little writing exercise the other day in class of my own version of I am from which was originally done in a book called cultural collisions on the great plains. I was an interesting assignment that caused me to do a little reflection and I thought it was share worthy?
I am from Curtis & Charlene, Spencer & Helen, and Dewey & June
From the potato farms of eastern Idaho and the sticky humid hot of southern California
From the distant lands and foreign tongues of may European nations
I am from meat and potato eaters, casserole eaters, and eaters of warm home made bread
I am from don't ask don't tell, suffer in silence, and take care of your own problems
From superficial service, and silently judge those who you help
I am from be home by six, choose the right, and remember who you are
I am from no drinking, no smoking LDS folks who said cards are only evil if they have faces on them
From farmers, store owners, and industry plant workers
I'm from pink banana seat bicycles, blue station wagons, and I Love Lucy
I'm from outside pets, wild cats, and swimming in the irrigation canal
Long summer nights and starry skies looking down on the roof top
I am from the Idaho Metropolis, and conservatism
From growing gardens for self sufficiency
From biblical prophets and scriptural heroes, and the Mormon tabernacle choir
My own sweet dance against the grain of homemaking mothers of bread winning fathers

nothing out of the ordinary

It has been a couple weeks since I have let my thoughts roll, but nothing extra ordinary happens?... I guess sometimes the collection of mundane is what makes up the marjority of the everyday. I am slowly coming to the conclusion that just when you think you have a situation figured out it changes in order to prove that nothing in real life is really predictible... I guess that is what makes it reality rather than fiction. Sometimes I wish I knew the script. I struggle sometimes with trying to neatly sort people into categories... but squares just don't fit into triangular spaces! I learned first hand how easy it is to erase eight years of emotional maturity when emotions and tempers flare...kinda scary how easy it is to be reactive even when you know better. I am counting down the weeks till graduation day, but not cause I am excited about finishing school really(well I guess I am). I think it has more to do with the discontent with my living arrangement. I am constantly reminded at the amazing amount of crap that can be "my fault". It is kinda like a slow leak of insanity living at home again, I am just hoping that I can survive without any permanent damage?

I am about to jump out of my seat!

I can hardly contain my excitement cause I found out some really good news for a case that I am working on! It is amazing when the little things just come together and it is hard to explain the excitment that one feels when you feel like FINALLY things are going your way. I have been dealing with the politics of the juvenille justice system ad nauseam as of late, and it has been really wearing me down. I am dealing with two power hungry bitches that are making my clients life HELL... so today when I came across some info that I can use against them, I was like yessssssssssss In their faces! I am absolutely giddy and it is kinda funny... but one needs those little sucesses every once in a while to keep you from becoming absolutely cynical!