almost a week in my new place...

It is weird that the memory of my old living arrangment is fading so quickly, and I am beginning to feel that where I am is where I have always been.(even though I am not even close to being settled in) I got pretty sick the day after I moved and have just not had the energy to put stuff away yet...maybe tommorow? I am enjoying my new place. I am starting to get used to the creaks and sounds and feel safe in the surroundings. For the most part the solitude has been solace, except when I was so sick I thought I was going to die and I started to think very morbid thoughts about how long it would take someone to discover my body if something were to happen to me... I am pretty sure I would be like a sad little old lady that gets discovered after the stench is so rank that the neighbors come to figure out what the smell is about and find my body so decomposed that I am no longer recognizable... ok so maybe that is a bit dramatic?! I watched a movie that I quite enjoyed tonight. Sometimes after watching a movie that evokes deep thoughts I become exhausted and I wish I could turn off the thoughts... but then again maybe that is what sleep is for, but that doesn't always work either...

That particular time...

lyrics - alanis morissette

I often wonder if things would be different if I would have been able to reply when you said you were lonely "yeah me too, lets go flip some people off"

hooray I am moving!

I signed my lease yesterday and I am moving over the next week. The landlord was really nice and said I could move stuff in early just not live there till next week so I will probably just pack my car and unpack it after work on my way home then move the bigger stuff next weekend. I am really excited that I am only going to be 5.5 miles away from work... what will I do with all the time I won't be wasting on my commute? oh yeah that's right "ANYTHING I WANT"! I am also excited to have my own place, cause then I don't have to deal with any drama of having a roomate. Yep it will just be me... I can't even get a start on my future as an old "cat lady" cause no pets allowed?!

just a case of the monday's on a thursday!

One of the hardest parts of my job is dealing with parents and guardians. I joked with my boss that I think that they purposely gave me the most jacked up family situations cause it seems like every once in while I find myself knee deep in a situation that keeps me reeling as if I am trying to just keep my head above water and that was today again!!! I can fully appreciate that the parents that I deal with have gone through a tremendous amount with their children.... but what floors me is the parents that do not recognize their contributions! I am grateful for my internship experience because I think it helped me better prepare for dealing with "difficult" parents, but sometimes I get done with a conversation with a parent completely surprised that I didn't completely freak out! After the conversation today I found myself struggling with not having a short fuse with my clients. I get frustrated at times when it seems like I have clients that swarm me to give me the laundry list of things they want me to do for them, or ask me questions that I have already talked to them about...It is exhausting sometimes when I feel like sometimes the only message they want to give me is "hey don't forget to not forget about me!" Oh good thing it is friday tommorow!

I am turning into an insomniac...

I have had the weirdest sleep patterns for the last few days, and it has nothing to do with daylight savings time! I have consistently gotten no more than four or five hours of sleep a night over the last few days and the quality of sleep is poor because I find myself waking up multiple times a night. It is weird because I don't neccesarily feel anxious or anything so I am not finding a rationale for my random change of sleeping patterns. I have FINALLY fixed my internet, but was not as sucessful with my roomates connection... and I am all too aware of it with her passive agressive antics! I think over the last two days I have spent probably four hours or more on the phone with tech support talking to sub quality outsourced tech support from an OBVIOUS foriegn country... If you ever have to call dlink tech support sock yourself in the face a couple times to ease the irritation of being on the phone with them! I think over the course of the last two days I have talked to probably seven or eight different technicians. It started out bad when the woman speaking broken english the first time was coupled with a terrible connection and the mouthpeice too close to her mouth with heavy breathing that made it sound as if she were taking calls as she was jogging up a flight of stairs! After she got tired with me saying uh could you repeat that? she told me to call back and hung up. Then I went through a range of tech support that were just mildly better but it seemed that the only english they knew came from a script because any deviation from the specific questions asked and they couldn't follow and would just repeat the question over again as if it were me that didn't understand. I finally got upgraded to second level support, but it still took me multiple times to finally get across to them that I don't have a freaking modem because I just have a wireless connection with laptops and no main computer... I think they finally jotted that part down on the LAST call so that they would know that the next time I called.... I pray that I never have to call that number again, and quite simply I would rather cut myself than try to trouble shoot with them again!

WBN's + show= no good!

It has been a weird and somewhat complicated last few days, and I am not sure where I stand with it all logically?! Due to boredom and a bit of a wb desire I set aside common sense recently so that I would have company to go see a particular show, and maybe more in the future... yeah didn't work out so hot! My first mistake is lowerin the standards a TAD, and my second mistake was complicating things by participating in a little non commited wb gratification the day before...oops my bad! I couldn't help myself from comparing the last time I had seen the band and found myself highly irritated at how poorly the second time measured up in regards to enjoyment and the quality of company! Damn fond memories! On a more positive note I think I have found a new place to live, and will if all goes well move in the next couple weeks:) Due to that fact that technology hates me today and I broke my internet I am sitting in a parking lot typing this like old times, so that will be all my of my ramblings for now...

(P)(S)(R) induced dreamland...

I don't know why it is that when I am visiting home sleeping in my old bed that I have the most vivid dreams. There must be some sense of unconscious security that allows my dreams to wander where they may. I slept soooo hard last night that I woke up feeling like I got hit by a dream train! My head was spinning as I was trying to make sense of the series of events I dreamed about as I sat up in bed I came to the conclusion that there was no logical sequence... it was just a collection of feelings thoughts and circumstances. It is interesting how dreams seem to pick a random selection of people to be weaved in and out of the unconsciousness. In the work that I do I have begun to see the value in the feelings and processes that we experience in dreams, so I looked for themes that would tie the entirety of what I remembered... and I was still somewhat at a loss. There were elements of latent heart desires uncovered by rekindled lost contacts which were fairly obvious, but then there were elements with people which seemed to have no connection to any theme at all. I have come to believe that dreams are a way for our unconsciousness to bring to consciousness unresolved conflicts of the heart and mind... and it seems I have a few that I continue to push to the unconscious