Alaska Blog Gallery

Amazing glacier views, and all the little ice bergs (aka berggie bits!)























Some amazing sunsets










Capturing some of the wildlife











Some other amazing sites




A cute little fishing boat just outside of petersburg

Dysphoria

Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth.
For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures,
and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no ....

- Francis Bacon

What happens when clients aren't at the center of treatment decisions...

I have been super frustrated the last week dealing with the bureaucracy of a ridiculous pissing contest going on between two departments about after care for clients leaving residential treatment...which pretty much has meant that the clients needs are taking the back burner in the decision making process, and the departments individual needs are superseding that of their clients! The most frustrating part about the situation is that I am pretty much not even a ripple in a tide pool as far as having any influence towards advocating for what supportive service my clients should receive! I also feel like I have been pretty much lying to my clients telling them that they would receive certain services that had previously been decided on... and now I am having to contact them, and say "just kidding, scratch what I have told you, cause that isn't going to happen anymore (and basically I have no idea what is going to happen, cause I DON'T have any say in the decision making process!)" It REALLY sucks because my plan was to have all my cases transferred this week... but instead I have to discharge my clients (which means I GET to do more paper work... my favorite!)

DON'T ASK ME (OK Go)

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One down, only three to go!!!

I finished one of my classes today, and said goodbye to my favorite professor in my program:( she said she doesn't attend the graduation ceremony due to program politics...politics in this program?... I'm shocked...or not!!!! I went to the bookstore today and picked up my graduation regalia... this lady actually asked me if I knew I had the masters gown and hood(I am pretty sure the look on my face said something like "are you for real?") I wonder how many people actually miss the CLEARLY marked signs!? I am having a hard time getting motivated to do school stuff, cause ANYTHING seems to have more apeal at this point... but I just got to jump through a few more hoops, then I will be DONE!

The carrot crusader...

I have read a few comedic lists of "you know you're a social worker when..." but tonight I have one of my own to add: "you know you're a social worker when you fight the social injustices perpetrated against vegetables at the dinner table" The situation was pretty funny, because it didn't hit me how I sounded till the words came out of my mouth. Anyways the story was we were sitting eating dinner and my brother picked up a baby carrot that was misshapen. My brother looked at the funny looking carrot for a second or two, then threw it out the back door. My Dad said what did you do that for, and my brother said it was bad. I then turned to my brother and said "it wasn't bad, it was just different"... as soon as I realized what I had said, and how it sounded, it made me laugh. What I had meant was that the carrot wasn't rotten or anything it was just deformed...but wow I sure sounded like a social worker! I just thought it was interesting at how automatically those words came out of my mouth! I guess I could say I am trying to fight social injustice one vegetable at a time!

My blog gallery

The picture that I dug out last night put me in the mood to look through all my work, and I thought I would post a little black and white blog gallery:

My first photogram!


My brothers aka the models





Some of my first assignments











I like these ones, but they aren't very clear because they are scanned off my proof sheets...













Next blog gallery attraction "The Alaskan Wilderness"...

I just got done watching Losing Isaiah, and it got me thinking... I really don't know how I have managed to not see that movie going into the profession that I am going into? It was the kind of movie that tugs at the old heart strings just enough to make you want to go out into life and make a difference. Seeing the little boy in the movie reminded me of the kids that I worked with in Americorps... I wonder how they are doing sometimes. When I think of all the adversity that they are faced with it breaks my heart. I took this picture when I was in Americorps, and it was one of the first pictures that really sparked my passion for photography. To me it truly is worth a thousand words...

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said,
People will forget what you did,
But people will never forget how you made them feel.
(unknown)

DAPS = DONE!!!

I am finally caught up on my case notes...I still have a lot to do yet, but it is good to celebrate even the smallest successes (because one might not come around again for a while!)

Farewell Elder Hansen...

My little brother entered the MTC today. I didn't get to go down there because I had class last night, but I got to call him and talk to him for a minute while he was unpacking stuff out of the car to report to the MTC. I was at the office, and was lucky enough to get out of the my meeting in just enough time to talk to him before he reported. I had to walk outside cause I didn't want to explain to everyone why I was tearing up... I could hear him kind of choking back the tears and that was it for me! I rarely can see people cry without getting teared up myself... and if that person is my Dad... forget about it (there is no chance of holding back the tears!) I don't know if it has really hit me that he is going to be gone for two years... sure he is just going to Ohio, but it will be weird not having him around. It was kind of weird when he went to get his endowments out... I had never thought that he would do that before me, but I guess there are a lot of things in life that you can't predict. I know that my brother leaving on his mission is going to be hardest on my youngest brother. Those two have been so close, and in about a month when I leave my youngest brother will be the only one at home. I think it will be a really rough adjustment for him, and I think not having my brother around will probably impact him the greatest. It is strange to think that it has been 12 years since my oldest brother reported on his mission! A lot can happen in two years, but I am looking forward to sending him letters, and spoiling him with packages!... I didn't really write my older brother when he was on his mission(then again I was only 12) so I am looking forward to writing my little brother... I'm sure gonna miss him!

reminiscing down memory lane...

My grandpa took the family out to dinner tonight, and we went to dinner where we always go when my grandpa is in town (Chuck-A-Rama) Even though I live back in town I find myself avoiding that place because conversations tend to be on the awkward side. There has been a lot that has happened in my life since I worked there, yet walking through those doors I see a few familiar faces who still remain (almost as if caught in time). It is not that I don't enjoy seeing those people that I used to work with, but how exactly do you summarize six years in a two minute conversation? It is hard to explain but sometimes talking to them makes me feel guilty, because I got out, and they are still there doing what they were doing six years ago. Sometimes I get the sense that "they think" that "I think" I am better then them because I have moved on and that makes me sad. I ran into an old manager who was telling me about a girl who used to work there getting married. I gave him my number to pass on so this girl could get in touch with me, but honestly I don't know if I would go to her wedding even if she did manage to track me down? I was talking to a girl who is the sister of a guy that I worked with back then and she was telling he was stationed in germany in the military, but that he has been home for a couple weeks before he goes back. I told her to say hello for me, but about twenty minutes later he came in to eat with his parents and his little boy, so I got to say hello in person! Last time I was talking to someone about how he was doing they told me he was having a rough go in life, and that his wife had cheated on him, and left him. It was hard to talk to him, and not think about that. He told me that he was living in germany now... I looked at his son, and I couldn't help but wonder where he lived? I don't know if his ex-wife has custody of his son, or if he is living with his parents... but it made my heart ache seeing him hold his beautiful son in his arms. Conversation was a little awkward, cause I knew things he did not "know" I knew, and the only thing I could think to say was what a beautiful son he had. He ended up sitting in a table across the room from ours, and I found myself stealing glances of him playing and interacting with his son. I don't know exactly what it is, but recently I have come to appreciate the beauty and splendor of watching a young father interacting with his child. It is difficult to explain, but lately I find it captivating elliciting such a strong emotional reaction in me. I don't think there is anything more endearing than watching a father play and dote on his child....just one of lifes simple and beautiful pleasures :)

perfect paradox...

The main issue for human human beings is whether to love, protect, and help each other, or to intrude, dominate, and control, doing harm to and using violence on others. The problem is compounded because love involves intrusion, domination, control, and violence, and because violence can be done in the name of love, protection, and helpfullness.-Madanes

ghost and the hat...

I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.

It was an interesting day... Rarly is everyone in the office at the same time for very long but today we were all there most of the afternoon (which makes it harder to get anything done, but it was enjoyable) It is starting to hit me that my time there is coming to an end :( I really enjoyed my visits today. I got to see my first client transition home, and it really felt great! It was nice to be able to visit with the youth instead of just the parents for a change. I have truly learned soo much during my time working with my families... It is true that a client has as much to teach as they do to learn! I am beginning to start transitioning my families to other workers because I will be leaving... I kind of feel bad, cause I really would like to be there for them through the whole process, but I guess you don't get everything that you want in life! I was dreading talking to a parent, because things really didn't go their way the last staffing we had, and I felt like our professional relationship might be on rocky ground, but I had a pleasant experience. I decided to just drop by rather than schedule an appointment she may or may not keep, and although she was guarded at first I felt like she softened up and recognized that I do genuinely care for her, and want to help her acheive the goal she has with her family. It is hard to describe the feelings one gets when they recognize that they have made a positive impact on another human being...but if I were to try it would be BLISS!!!!!

38days, 12hours, and 46minutes....

I can't belive how fast time is flying! I just have to get through the next few weeks, and then I am soooooooo done! I was talking to my sister the other day and she said "so where are you planning on working after you graduate" I was like uh good question but a better question is where I am going to live, because it makes it hard to find a job if you don't know what city you want to live in! My sister said that she had a job lined up three months before she graduated, to which I replied and you also were married before you graduated...which is a large influencing factor of what your post graduation plans consisted of!!! I have been doing a lot of research into the different options out there, and although nothing is jumping out at me in neon lights, I am getting closer to making a decision. Just gotta take it one day at a time I guess...

"what we call human nature in actuality is human habit"-Jewel?

"Moving at the speed of life, we are bound to collide with each other." And we do. Sometimes our collisions bring out the best in us. Sometimes they bring out the worst. Either way, they shake us, they slap us in the face, and they wake us up to the reality that our world is much bigger than just ourselves and our lives."(-Crash) It has been an interesting weekend. I have been packing up things and sorting through the mess of my cluttered existence, but I am currently where I was a week ago...or am I? Through circumstances out of my control I was not able to move into my friends like I had planned, but really is there any circumstance that we are ever fully in control over? I was originally annoyed at the set back, but I am beginning to see the benefit, and reconsidering my previous impulsive decision to just pack my things and go. I had another intervention today(which was precisely what I was attempting to avoid by leaving!)the mood today however was different... instead of trying to fix/blame, I felt as they were trying to understand...It is interesting the insight that one can gain from trying to explain the intentions of one's behavior out loud, and amazing that one can perpetuate the very thing that they are trying to avoid by trying to avoid it! weird how that works!) Ah the irrationality of defense mechanisms! weirder still is that human habit would suggest that the cure to feeling alone is to intentionally shut yourself off from those who could potentially be close to you so that they cannot not be close to you...wow writing that down exposes how rediculous that is! So then the question remains: How well does isolation cure the feelings of feeling isolated???
isolation=
n 1: a state of separation between persons or groups 2: the act of isolating something; setting something apart from others [syn: closing off] 3: a feeling of being disliked and alone 4: preference for seclusion or isolation [syn: reclusiveness] 5: (psychiatry) a defense mechanism in which memory of an unacceptable act or impulse is separated from the emotion originally associated with it