I'm a dork...

I am new to this whole blog thing, and I just realized that I didn't make my blog available except from direct link...oops!

There's a chill in the air!

So I am walking to the library today freezing my tuckus off! My hands are still defrosting... I am so excited that summer is almost over and fall is readily approaching! Fall is my most favorite season and it makes my heart happy. I am getting the hang of this school thing I think? I slacked on my reading and it totally kicked my butt yesterday playing catch up... maybe I should stay on top of that so I don't end up burying myself in the library for five hours trying stay awake reading a "fascinating" book on the meltdown of the health care system!?

Misery my Muse

Alone with my thoughts in bad company
the silence is pounding for distractions reprieve
thoughts flying chaotic in the net of my mind
solace from unrest my heart yearns to find
this chill that I feel overwhelms as it spreads
starting down from my toes as it fills to my head
seeking warmth from this cold, but no warmth can I find
alone in my thoughts in the depths of my mind
this despair is a plaugue, but no cure have I found
alone in this darkness till awakened by sound

comic relief...

Sometimes you just need to laugh! I came upon this clip and find myself going back to it when I need some comic relief in my life. (which is sadly often!)It has been an interesting few days! I started my internship and have been all over the state in the last few days. I visited clients in Twin wednesday and Nampa yesterday! I am having mixed feelings on the learning experience that I am going to have, and it kinda makes me nervous. I ask myself what I got myself into? The last couple days have been particularly difficult because my real supervisor is out of town on trainings so I have been everyones "Little intern"... amazing at how soon strangers try to take advantage of you! To top it all off I am just shaking my head at the way that these "Professionals" (one in particular) are conducting themselves sometimes (I guess I am learning what NOT to do in some situations!) I am going to just have to be an advocate for my personal learning experience, which isn't exactly a bad thing. One day at a time I suppose. In the meantime...Who brought the nearsighted kid to the pool?

anxiety!!!

Back to school... well you would think that wouldn't be such a shock since I JUST finished summer session, but this is a harder transition than I thought! There are so many people everywhere and I feel like a kid lost at the fair! Everyone seems to know where they are going, and I feel like I am just wandering around being in everyones way! I guess I am just like a freshmen at a new school... being a graduate student I feel like I should exude a bit more confidence (Maybe???) Well it is good to feel a bit out of your comfort level I suppose... How else does one learn? I just think this anxiety is kinda funny... I'll get over it I'm sure?!

Wandering aimless on memory lane makes the road to the future harder to find

I have been going through old boxes of stuff in my seemingly endless quest to get settled in. It was a pleasant and... Not so pleasant time of reminiscing. Some of the stuff brought happy memories and some stuff not so much... It was interesting to me that so much emotion could be tied to such seemingly insignificant junk. The human brain is an amazing tool! I was amazed at being able to recall such details of situations that have long since passed. Memories are not just events they are snapshots of emotion that can come back to you so easily. I found it interesting at the shrine like collections that I just can't part myself with from different times in my life. I can shake my head at myself for being such a sentimental shmuck... but that doesn't make it easier to part with. It doesn't hurt to visit memory lane every once in a while, as long at it doesn't turn into an extended visit. What if's can plague your thoughts if you let them! I guess I will just pack those memories back into a box until the next time I feel like making a visit...

entertaining myself on the internet...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Life's simple pleasures

I was driving along this morning listening to my car stereo thinking wow I am sure glad that my stereo works... I haven't had a stereo in my peice of junk car that long. It kinda made me laugh because I had been using a headset and earphones till my brother jimmy rigged an old CD player to put in my car. I think that is only funny because I would wait till I was going on the free-way or driving down the road to belt out and sing along! I started out just singing along whenever I felt the urge, but people tend to gawk when your wearing earphones singing along to a song that nobody can hear but you! Plus wearing earphones in a hot car is makes your ears sweat...ewwww! Ironically my little car stereo stopped working on my way home this morning, so I had to revert back to the good old earphones till I got home and my brother could mess with it. Anyways it reminded me that sometimes you start to take for granted the little things that make you happy or put a smile face till they aren't there any more!

a week is only seven days!

This week is kinda crazy, just mondayI finished up a paper for summer semsester and I've got to go back this coming monday! I am supposed to be doing a lot more than I have motivation to do... like really moving myself in (it would only make sense since I have been living out of boxes and suitcases for over a month!) I guess the longer I put off getting settled in the longer I can fool myself into believing that my stay is more temporary than it is... I guess I should quit whining I am sure that it will be one of those growing life experiences that DOWN THE ROAD I will appreciate. I just hope I don't get lost on the way down that road! I finally found a placement. I am thouroughly going to be taken advantage of... can you say intern=free labor! I am sure that I will enjoy the work, but that sure doesn't make the fact that I am poor living at home sound any more exciting.

why not

This is a first for me, so I am not sure how to start. I have been thinking about starting to blog just as a release at the end of the day, but it creates a little anxiety (will everyone know I am as crazy as I know I am?) Whatever I guess it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks...if they don't like it DON'T read it!