Our life as a dream
our time as a stream
glide swiftly away
and the fugitive moment refuses to stay
for the arrow is flown
and the moments are gone

coming to my senses

I went to the UAF yesterday, and came to a couple conclusions... One I love to go to places like that by myself because it gives me the freedom to linger where "I" want, and simply pass by the exhibits that don't interest me. It also gives you the freedom to dedicate your senses to people watching and observing all that is going on outside yourself. The next conclusion I made is that "I want to do that" ok so maybe not sit in a hot booth for hours watching people browse over my work, but I want to create. I have been debating whether I want an slr film camera, or an slr digital... and I came to the conclusion yesterday that a digital would allow me greater access and flexibility to my exposures... someday when I am rich and I can afford a dark room I will get an slr film camera too!

It's official.... I am a licensed professional!

I received my license in the mail today... and it kind of made me laugh, because I have felt like kind of a liar when I was putting the initials behind my name without the license in my possesion... but for some reason it still doesn't seem real? It has been a quick week... and I can't belive it is friday already! I found out that camping is part of my job description... i get the opportunity to go out to our wilderness site and camp for a couple of days/nights... two weeks in a row! Um maybe I should get a sleeping bag... that just might be helpful!? This is still all pretty new, and I just have to keep telling myself to take it one day at a time!

Forwarding OFFENDERS!

So I have decided that I ABSOLUTELY hate people that feel the need to foward on absolute nonsense chain mail type emails!!!! Seriously are we twelve and actually believe the SHIT about needing to send it on to friends to avoid bad luck, or how about the lie that it will bring a certain amount of luck depending on how many people you send it to??? It actually really irritates me when I check my inbox and see them! For example my inbox today ALONE had SEVEN!!!! I think what irritates me the most about it is that those offenders (and it seems to be across the board) send NOTHING BUT forwards! Seriously if you don't have anything meaningful to write in emails....DON'T FORWARD people to make up for it! If I wasn't a nice person I think that I would block them from sending me anything at all...

FUN IN FAIRBANKS...

The long ride home...

I decided that on my way back from Salt Lake that I would drive up the mountain to the infamous "make out" point that I had yet to go to. Sometimes I get the urge to just drive... sometimes I drive to discover, and sometimes I feel like driving to just keep driving. There is something peaceful about driving without a particular destination in mind (that was limited by a pretty much empty gas tank tonight... so I kind of had to go straight up one side and down the other to avoid running out of gas, but I made it with a whole .2 gallons of gas to spare!) There was an amazing view on both sides of the mountain. On the way up you could look out over the whole salt lake valley, and on the way down there was a beatiful view of utah lake. The lighting was beautiful shining over the mountain as the sun was setting behind some clouds. That drive put me in a reflective mood, and when I got home and was sitting in my apartment I got a little stir crazy like I needed to go somewhere. I decided to sit on the balcony and look out at the lights of the city and the cars on the interstate, and I got the same kind of feeling that I would when I would sit on the back of the boat as we were cruising down the columbia river. It is a sense of longing for something outside yourself that you can't quite put your finger on, but it is so powerful that it almost takes your breath away. Sometimes if you sit there long enough focusing on the lights as they go by it numbs the longing, and it allows you for a moment to just be.

Little children EVERYWERE...

I attended my first work party(it was a luau), and "little" people outnumbered adults by ALOT! I guess I just never figured that I would be going to work "family" functions without a family?! It was weird that when I got there one of the girls that I worked with came over and made sure I knew where the "other singles" were at so that I could sit with them... I guess it was nice of her to make sure that I was somewhat comfortable, but it also felt like she was directing me to go over to sit with the "others"! I am glad that I work for a company that is family friendly, but that doesn't make it any less awkward looking around feeling like I am the ONLY person my age that doesn't have a baby or toddler at their hip! Well I guess I got a 10$ gift certificate to blockbuster out of the whole thing so I guess all in all it wasn't a complete waste of a saturday afternoon?!

Long Long day...........

It was almost a 14 hour work day today(the longest yet and hopefully the longest ever)... ah the and joys of working in residential treatment! The strangest thing about it being a LONG day is that it was also a pretty good day. I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with the girl that was the center of the crisis that kept me at work, and at the end of the day (about 10pm!) I felt that all the extra time was worth it. I am still LEARNING and I am SURE that I made some mistakes throughout the day, but it feels good to feel like I made a positive impact too!

Old scars prove to be fresh wounds...

It has been a long and emotionally exhausting day rehashing old relational issues. I am not even sure how the conversation shifted, but it did and it proved not only exhausting but extremely frustrating. I think that the most frustrating part was dealing with someone that insists that their perception of reality is the only reality... no matter how many times I explained my intention their perception was the only reality that they could see. Assumptions are powerful things and they can completely cloud a situation making two peoples perception of the same event COMPLETELY different! It felt like I went round and round in circles and with hours of discussion managed to feel less understood and more frustrated than when the discussion began! The sad thing is that looking back I may have been the catalyst by sharing an observation that I had (which proved to be a MUCH touchier situation than I could have forecasted) to that I have learned that sometimes it is better to sit silently by?!

LOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDD the weather tonight, although the timing was a bit inconvenient with me trying to unload my bed! which got wet on the side due to a leaky trailer :( I was thinking while I was driving enjoying the lightning storm, that I hope that I never take natures splendor for granted. I really do feel like I live in a beautiful place, and I hope that I can always see the beauty that surrounds me. I took my parents out to where I work and on our way back the sun peeking above the clouds illuminated the mountains and buildings in such a way that it glowed as if it were the lost city of atlantis or somethings, it was just amazing. I absolutely love thunder storms they are just so majestic and peacful in their magnificence I think that I could sit and watch them for hours!

Apocalypse now... I think not!

So maybe there is a couple of hours till 6/6/06 is officially over (in the mountain standard time zone anyways), but as for all the hype about dooms day it seems as if the sun will rise again tomorrow!? It actually was a pretty darn good day for me,and my niece too!(it was her eighth birthday and she got to go to the LA zoo for a field trip and saw all of her favorite animals (what could be better than that at eight years old?!))... As for me I landed the job I interviewed for (and really wanted), and I start tomorrow :0! It has been a whirlwind transition so far: I moved yesterday, had an interview today, went back after I was offered the job and attended an orientation, and tomorrow... I have my "official" first day on the job! I got around to unpacking some of my kitchen stuff tonight, and it was kind of funny. I packed up that stuff four and a half years ago!!! I kind of laughed because my pots and pans are pretty ghetto (pretty much what you would expect to see in a camp trailer) but when I bought that stuff six years ago I thought it was pretty cool stuff... funny! Well that should probably be it from me tonight... I have to get some rest before I go to WORK bright and early tomorrow morning :)

From the last frontier to the gem state...next destination= the beehive state!

I decided to post one of my "trigger happy" pictures taken from the view out of the window of the plane after alluding to them in my last blog, I thought it
appropriate to put one in. So I made it out of Alaska in one piece... not that it was an easy feat by any means (I think I managed to injure myself one way or another in each place we were at...ah the joys of being graceful!?) I had hoped to be packed up and settling in to my new place by tonight, but it just didn't happen, so I am hitting the road tomorrow. It is weird each time that I pack up all of my things in preparation to move that it automatically induces a state of reflection.......... I just can't believe all that can happen in less than a year! I think the weirdest part of this next move is that this is not temporary (each other time I have moved I knew that in such and such time I would be moving on to my next destination) now my move is a bit more permanent, and the next destination is unknown and too far around the corner to foresee! It is interesting to me how I tend to deal with major changes in my life... things tend to not hit me for a while, and it seems that often by the time it has hit me I am too busy adapting to notice?! A friend took me out to dinner last night and she kept telling me how excited she is for me, and how proud she is of the accomplishments that I have made, but to me it has just been a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, and of course jumping through the innumerable hoops that is our formal education system! I guess I feel blessed that things have truly fell into place for me time and time again, and the only credit I feel I can take for it is sticking it out! I am just as excited as I am anxious about this next little life adventure, but I guess no matter what the future holds all I got to do is put one foot in front of the other, and stick things out even when I don't feel like it!