pic to make a layout... do do do

A long time.. and needed to post the pic online!

A lot has happened from last post... life happens I suppose. Things have changed from massage trains and hancuffs to Mikee Mc No pants and the office... among other things;) I needed to post this pic online to give to the new bro in law, so enough said.

Handcuffs and massage trains... life can be unpredictable at times!

So I was sitting on my porch at one in the morning last night, like any normal person would be doing at one in the morning...(trying to get a better Internet connection because I was IM someone and it kept kicking me off!) I was talking with this guy, and somehow the fact that he had a pair of handcuffs came up, but better still he kept referencing them throughout the conversation. I was having flash backs of middle school when I would be asked to enter "private chat rooms" and also being thoroughly entertained at this guy's fascination with handcuffs when my neighbor came home. My neighbor is a nice enough guy and although sometimes coming off a little creepy always makes a point to say hello. When he was walking towards his door he said having fun online? I said (jokingly) yeah can't get much better then sitting on your porch at one in the morning surfing the internet, then he said something like "I bet I could think of something better" and walked in his house. I shrugged it off and IM'd the person I was talking to saying I thought my neighbor had just propositioned me. My neighbor then came back outside a couple minutes later and sat on his porch and started up a conversation with me. My neighbor asked about the person I was chatting with, and when he asked what I was laughing about, I told him about the guy's handcuff fascination. With that, the conversation with my neighbor took off, and I stopped paying attention to the conversation i was having online. My neighbor and talked for quite a while until his roommate came out, and then we were all talking (me up on my porch, and them looking up at me from down below.) After referencing my camp chair as a throne, my neighbors roommate asked to let him try it out. I ended up coming down the stairs and sitting on the bottom stairs talking to these guys. The had been entertaining themselves with Smirnoff throughout the time I was talking to them, so naturally the sex references and flirtatious comments were ever increasing as the conversation went on. The roommate had said that he hurt his neck lifting, and kept alluding to me massaging it for him. After a few pretty pleases, I gave in and had him sit below me on the stairs so I could massage his neck. Feeling bad to just massage one, I switched to the other guy, while the guy I had just massaged sat above me and started giving me a massage. There was a moment that I looked up to the stars and thought how interesting it was that I was sitting on the stairs below my apartment at three thirty in the morning in the middle of a massage train!!! I got lost in the moment of being in the middle of a "man-which" for a second or two with the guy behind me massaging my neck and shoulders, and the one below me massaging my legs..and I totally got a taste of the attraction to threesomes ;0 I finally mustered the will power to get up to go to sleep amidst the continued propositions to continue the massage to his lower back and extremities in his place(it was four thirty in the morning after all!) I can't remember how the plan came about, but when I finally said that I was going to bed, they said that they were going to come get me in fifteen minutes so we could continue the massage more comfortably. Like promised they came and knocked on my door, but I just sat quite and didn't answer. It was over all an interesting encounter, and I am curious what a day of sobriety will do to their recollections???

Happy Anniversary to me...

Last week I hit my one year anniversary at my job. I found it kind of Ironic that one of the girls that I have had on my caseload since I started chose to punch a staff member in the face. I guess he had it coming...he did ask her to get her homework out and change into her after school clothes???! At one hand I was super frustrated because I feel that I keep having to figure out what to do with her, but on the other hand it makes me sad that she is having such a hard time getting things together, and translating her motivations into actions. It was a rough week last week. I had two HORRIFIC phone calls with parents back to back which drained me and I was worthless the rest of the day pretty much. You gotta love it when your getting questioned as to whether or not you have legitimate credentials from the same man that called you "young lady" the first time you met him... ASS! It is no wonder that the girls I work with have such a hard time when their parents are the way that they are! I just have to remember the little successes when they happen, cause they are what makes it all worth it. I had group with my girls today to basically let them know that I am going to do a better job at setting boundaries. I have felt that with many of my girls that I am working harder on their program then they are... which translates into long hours and less over all progress. I didn't know how the group would go, but I feel that it was well received and my girls were able to give each other some good feedback... hopefully that translates into some tangible. On a completely different topic, I have just been thoroughly entertained because I was corresponding with someone that told me that they were in school as a Cuminications major... I seriously laughed out loud and thought, boy do you have a ways to go! I don't think it would have been as entertaining, but in the three 2-3 line messages there were multiple grammatical errors... it just makes one wonder?!

The reality of reality...

Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces. ~Sigmund Freud

This just seemed to fit the mindset that I have found myself in with what I am currently trying to wrap my mind around...

There are mere subtleties between being educated and tainted...

Sometimes my mind reels from all the things I am exposed to in relation to my profession. I often marvel that I do not have a propensity towards being jaded in regards to that which society deems "human nature", and at the same time find an amazing amount of empathy for those who choose to numb themeselves through a myriad of self destructive behaviors/addictions. A handout I recieved during my undergrad that said "you might be a social worker if..." in the same fashion that the "you might be a redneck if..."comes to mind and I just have to laugh at the accuracy of the seemingly extremist humor. One that I can remember is "you might be a social worker if you strongly believe that valium should come in a salt lick". I sometimes wonder if my sense of humor has become a bit tainted when things like this happen: I was at a baby shower and two little kids, a boy and a girl around the age of four pulled down the boardgame life off the table and were playing with the peices. When the girl's mother looked over she said something like how did they get into that life game, and the first thought that came to my mind was "well at least they weren't playing doctor"... I know kinda sick huh?! I should have left that little humerous quip in my head because I ended up learning the hard way (from the puzzled and somewhat horrified look on the girl's mom's face when she said well I would hope she isn't playing doctor at her age) that quips like that get lost in translation. I guess that is just one of those "you might be a social worker if" moments!

Inspiration come and gone...

There have been so many posts that I have had the urge to write over the last couple of weeks, but nothing seems to come to complete fruition(thanks to being back to an unreliable pirated internet connection that reduces me to driving round like a pedophile)... headlines were gonna read something to the effect of the following; living the high life as holly homaker,Leaving on a Jet plane cept it left me first, proof of the theory that while the cat is away the mice play... or is that misbehave?,What the heck was I thinking?... Surviving the aftermath of turrible turrible planning!, Front row is DEFINATELY the only way to go. Although it sucks to not have a reliable internet connection (but I suppose not bad enough to spend $35 it would take to fix it)I think it has been good for me in a sense. I realized that through my self censored blog ramblings I was substituting sporatic blogging for journaling and in doing eliminating a lot of the seemingly mundane essense of living that captures the actual reality of life lived and days gone by. Although entertaining it is to blog the interesting little circumstances I find myself in, it should not be a substitute for capturing nor expressing the rest of my exsistence...